^{_{Feeling like a failure when it comes to fertility?}}

I still do not like to see anything deemed ‘failure’ as ‘failure’, I like to see it more as lessons on this life journey and while I have not been on a journey to conception yet, I might have ‘failed’ at a thing or two in the past. I know so many women and men on this journey that have felt like a complete and utter failure. Especially as women. It is so innate in us as women to want to create life, to want to let our love grow by adding to our family. 

It likely does not help that as women who grow up in the USA the questions we are asked as young children are about love, marriage, what our wedding will look like, and how many kids we want. I can distinctly remember planning one of my grand weddings at ten (I say one because the idea has definitely evolved over the years of what kind of wedding I want 😉 haha, not because I plan to have many…unless there is a wedding vow renewal 😜  ). Anyway squire moment and back on track to this week's thought for you. 

As I have aged I learned just how silly it can be to shove the idea of marriage and kids on young couples. Not because I do not see it as one of the most beautiful things about life, but because I know that not everyone's journey is meant to end in the white picket fence with their high school sweetheart and 10 kids. I know that some couples choose not to have children and some couples try month after month with their family and friends asking all the time ‘when are you going to have a kid’? Without realizing you have been trying so hard without any success yet. So the feeling of ‘failure’ can run deep. 

One daily step and practice that can change your life if you let it! Is drum roll asking yourself nightly “what did I win at today” ?

You see we tend to forget as we get older to give ourself credit for the amazing things we do. We look too often for GRAND wins like a job promotion, but what if we look at the micro wins with as much enthusiasm as the big wins. What can you celebrate about yourself today. Even more bonus points if you can have a little grace and gratefulness on the complete crap days that leave you so broken hearted (ie miscarriage - ‘win - I can get pregnant’; unexplained infertility ‘win - I don’t have a solution yet, I can keep searching’; period cramps - ‘win - I started Protocol work with Dr. Ashley and my body is healing 😉 ) 

How amazing is it when we look at our day and say man I did some amazing things! Some days it might be that you pooped, or made your bed, or made a healthy meal for yourself and your partner, maybe it's as big as you landed the job you wanted or traveled across the ocean by yourself, or you learned a new hobby. Whatever it is, write it down! Keep a journal by the bed or scrap paper. The key is to rewire your brain by writing it out. I tend to write it on these little slips and stick it in a mason jar. At the end of the year, or when you are feeling a little blue you can take this jar out and read what you wrote to remind yourself just how amazing, gifted, and worthy of your dreams you are. Extra bonus if you share with your partner before bed. Celebrate each other and your wins. Nothing is too big or too small. 

You might be thinking that’s it Ashley really that's it?!? Yep that is it. 

I am all about simple things! 

Maybe someday you will progress into more elaborate journal entries or you will keep it simple. Maybe you already do something similar. I truly believe writing out what our wins for the day are before we go to bed set us up for success tomorrow. It is one of those things about what do you want your last moments before sleep to be about? Are you watching the news and all the scary stories about how the world is ending? Are you scrolling social media and seeing the same sorts of stories? Or would you like to encounter a more blissful sleep. 

So for you this might be easy and something you have done for years. I applaud you. It wasn’t until the last 6 months I have been more consistent with journaling. I would say some of my journaling picked back up when I was living abroad. I needed a way to express what I was feeling and all the gratitude I was feeling and it was a way to help me with some nervous energy. Before that I can remember having a journal as a kid. I wanted it to be one of those things I did everyday. I wanted to be able to look back on my life when I was old and read the entries…. But one journal entry in…. I was annoyed with my father for an event, choosing to write about my annoyance…and to my surprise guess who confronted me about my journal entry … something that I thought would be secret and private for all of my wildest and sacred thoughts.  I would attempt over the years to journal again, but felt the same scared feeling of people reading what I wrote and talking to me about it. Because overall it was that moment in time I was annoyed with dad. I was quick to get over annoyance…but those memories stuck with me of slight betrayal and trust. 

If this feels like you and how you feel about journaling I get you. I really do. I know that it has taken me time to realize no one's opinion of me matters except my own ;) Even family, even well intended parents, even well intended spouses. You have to love you. You have to know what is on your mind and heart is yours to own. It is your truth, it is your belief. Tip… also learn to write like a doctor 😅 haha then no one, even yourself, can read it hahahahaha….

So this week I challenge you to write every evening 3 wins for the day! Let me know how you do with it. If you want to share, my email and DMs are always open to chat.

💕 Dr. Ashley

P.S. 2 dates to keep in mind! March 26th and April 1st!

💛 The next virtual workshop will be March 26th at 7 pm. The topic will be Infertility with perspective on both mens’ and womens’ health.

💜 I have some exciting news about a course I am launching on April 1st. I will be creating a course around Shifting Your Mindset. It will be 120 days long with 1 module releasing weekly. Cost is $401. More details to come. If you are all in, message ‘mindset’ and I will get you all set up for the launch 

💙 If you are curious about where you health stands and the 8 point check I look at you can message ‘baseline’ and I will send you the assessment. We will then chat about what your health goals are and see if protocol might be a good fit for you.